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Sell one, and buy a bull -- but how much bull is enough?

By Darek Johnson

Socialism: You have two cows. The government puts them with everyone else’s cows, and you help care for the herd. The government issues you milk and butter, as its regulations allow.

Communism: You have two cows. The government puts them with everyone else’s cows, and your district helps you care for them. Your community divides the milk and cheese – after the national, central, district and local leaders take a cut.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and buy a bull.

–Unknown

The beet-red streak in her Betty Boop haircut reflected the greenish-white color of the conference room’s fluorescent lamps. The light also emphasized other eccentricities: silver eyebrow rings; a glinting rhinestone on her right nostril; fingers laced with snake and skull rings; and gloss-black fingernails.

I was early for a meeting; she was the IT person assigned to the AV gear. Nearby, a Mac book laptop rested on the conference-room table, a full-width sticker – “Capitalism Sucks” – had been pasted diagonally across its top.

“Your laptop?” I said.

“Uh-huh,” she said, distractedly. She was doodling and didn’t look up.

Geeks need time to warm up to me – I think it’s my age, but it could also be my trait of asking direct questions.

I asked, “Capitalism sucks?”

“Yeah.” The doodle, I noticed, was a human skull. With wings.

“So, what economic system do you prefer?”

She looked up, puzzled, and said “What?”

“If you don’t like capitalism, what economic system would you prefer to live under?”

“Uh…”

Okay, her mind wasn’t on national economics, so a certain awakening period was acceptable. I helped: “Socialism? Or perhaps Communism?”

“Uh. Socialism.”

“Like in England?”

“Yeah. England.”

“You don’t mind the higher taxes socialism requires?

“Huh?”

Long story short: She, a community-college intern, didn’t – amazingly – realize that citizens’ taxes pay for government-sponsored social programs, or that communism, as originally outlined, leveled the income field.

I told her the story of the two cows.